if i go outside, i'll fall apart
by Grilled Cheesby
Summary: Nine months after his mother was traumatized, Sasuke was born. Sasuke doesn't know who his biological father is, only that Fugaku puts all of his hatred for the man onto Sasuke's shoulders. The entire clan knows that Sasuke is half Uchiha, that he is an unwanted outsider, and he can feel their disgusted stares follow him. bad thing happen bingo fic #6


**Summary:** _Nine months after his mother was traumatized, Sasuke was born. Sasuke doesn't know who his biological father is, only that Fugaku puts all of his hatred for the man onto Sasuke's shoulders. The entire clan knows that Sasuke is half Uchiha, that he is an unwanted outsider, and he can feel their disgusted stares follow him whenever he makes himself leave the safety of his tiny bedroom._

**there is implied rape/sexual assault in this story, though it is never in detail, nor is it really mentioned more than once.**

**#6 fic for Bad Things Happen Bingo card. prompt was loneliness.**

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**if i go outside, i'll fall apart**

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Sasuke looks exactly like his mother. He shares the exact same shade of dark hair, as well as her soft, dark eyes. His mouth is hers and they have the same nose. His features are far more delicate than Itachi's. Sasuke is almost the spitting image of his mother.

It makes her cry at night.

Sasuke is born nine months after his mother's final mission. Sent on a honeypot gone wrong, Mikoto comes back jaded and anxious. Sasuke isn't stupid, he knows what happened on that fateful mission, but he doesn't know the exact details; no one has ever shared them with him.

Nine months after his mother was traumatized, Sasuke was born. Sasuke doesn't know who his biological father is, only that Fugaku puts all of his hatred for the man onto Sasuke's shoulders. The entire clan knows that Sasuke is half Uchiha, that he is an unwanted outsider, and he can feel their disgusted stares follow him whenever he makes himself leave the safety of his tiny bedroom. He hates the fact that they would hate him for being half Uchiha even if he wasn't the product of a foreign shinobi sexually assaulting his mother.

He's isolated for the most part, not permitted to play with the other Uchiha children. He's taught basic reading and writing from a disgruntled Uchiha tutor. He learns mathematics from a frosty Uchiha candy shop owner who always scolds him when he gets an answer wrong. He watches Itachi become a shinobi and begs his mother to allow him to start training. She shies away from him, not meeting his imploring gaze for even a second, before she tells him to ask his father.

They both know that Sasuke isn't allowed to call Fugaku father, so Sasuke's begging ends swiftly at the suggestion.

Instead, Sasuke observes Itachi, watches the way his half-brother moves, and then copies it in the privacy of his own room. He's not allowed to go to the academy, but he is given leave to spend his time out of the house the older he gets, no obligations resting upon his young shoulders.

He;s out late one evening, far later than he's ever been before, and he returns to a silent compound. He's not dumb, can tell when something is wrong, so he immediately leaves and finds an off duty shinobi. He tells the kunoichi that something is wrong and she listens to him, if only to appease him. She returns pale and shaking, insisting that he follow her to the Hokage's office.

Sasuke is the lone survivor of the Uchiha clan massacre and _he doesn't know why_. Every Uchiha, his entire clan, has been murdered in the clan compound. His mother and father were found clutching each other, young Itachi draped over their still forms, and Sasuke is truly alone for the first time in his entire life.

It's not that different. Still no on concerns themselves with him, with his feelings of his thoughts. He is shunted around until they dump him back into the compound where hundreds were murdered.

Sasuke thinks that this might hurt more if he cared. If they had loved him like he wished they did. Maybe then he would look at the empty compound and mourn. Now, as things are, Sasuke allows himself to enlist in the academy. He trains because he wants to and no one can tell him no. He watches, something he learned to do as an outsider, and he learns things about the village that others don't seem to catch on to.

He gets a visit from an old man, his disposition severe and he gazes down at Sasuke with his uncovered eye.

"You're strong," the man tells him gruffly, a gleam in his eye. "I can help you get stronger."

Sasuke might have said no if he was kinder. Would have rejected the offer if he had been treated differently by his clan. Maybe the man never would have approached him if he was in mourning.

Instead of any of that, Sasuke feels curiosity envelop him, a cold calculating thing that overtakes his sensibilities. This man is dangerous. This man is doing something he shouldn't be doing, and Sasuke needs to be a part of it.

"Okay," he answers as innocently as he can, wide eyes watching the slight smirk of satisfaction that graces the older man's lips.

Sasuke learns many things about the village while serving in ROOT. Shimura Danzō isn't supposed to be running a secret organization within the village, but he does it anyway. He pretends that it's for the village, but Sasuke sees the dark satisfaction that runs across his otherwise emotionless mask. He enjoys the chaos he sows.

Sasuke doesn't particularly care either way. Danzō is interesting enough that Sasuke isn't bored, so he stays and he listens and he lies to the man's face when he says he is loyal to him. Sasuke might have that interesting seal resting on his tongue, but he retains what little emotions he has while others don't. Sasuke has always been good at hiding from others, so Danzō never sees the truth about Sasuke's true character.

Sasuke gets lost in ROOT, only emerging when suddenly Danzō is dead at the hands of Hatake Kakashi on the orders of their Hokage, Tsunade.

Sasuke watches in fascination as the agents around him flounder with this change, unable to cope with not having their beloved leader. The seal disappears with Danzō's death and Sasuke is once more left to his own devices. They ask him questions, of course, wanting to know how the single survivor of the Uchiha clan was able to disappear in ROOT without anyone questioning it.

Sasuke simply smiles grimly and shrugs. What is he supposed to say? That no one cared then and even as they look at him now, they still don't care? He doubts they would appreciate the truth, so he instead stays silent.

The final disbandment of ROOT means that he is integrated into the rest of the shinobi ranks and it is here that Sasuke's life takes an interesting turn. He's met hundreds of individual shinobi, some more talented than most, but he's never had the pleasure of meeting a jinchuriki face to face. Uzumaki Naruto is one of the best liars that Sasuke has ever met.

He smiles and laughs and jokes, but Sasuke can see the darkness within him. It's not just from the kyuubi, though that's a part of it. No, Sasuke can recognize the signs of neglect that have left scars on Naruto's skin. Sasuke watches and he wonders.

Sasuke has always been disturbingly curious about things that could hurt others.

Sasuke takes his time, introduces himself to Naruto and successfully gets the blonde's sympathy. He's there with friendship when others dismiss the blonde or when he's sneered at on the street. Sasuke is sure it must not be as bad as it used to be, not with the way Naruto reacts in surprise when someone smiles instead of frowns at him, but it doesn't matter. Sasuke can use all of it to his advantage.

A whisper here, a vague rumor there, and Naruto looks more and more frustrated with his time in the village. He's just returned from a three year training trip, had been looking forward to being home, but the village just doesn't understand him. He confesses to Sasuke that he feels like an outsider, like he'll never be accepted within his own home.

Sasuke assures him it just takes time and he watches in amusement as Naruto believes him. It's no wonder Danzō got so far in his manipulations of the village; everyone wants to be hear what they believe and those that don't are easily cowed by those stronger than they are.

Sasuke has nothing to do with the incident that transpires, which delights him to his very core. He could've organized it so a random passerby throws something at Naruto, for them to do something to agitate him, but the blonde being forced out of a popular grocery store does all the work for him. It's a small piece of a large puzzle and it pushes Naruto into Sasuke's web.

Sasuke's whispers dark words into Naruto's ear and he hides his satisfied smirk when he can sense the bubble of hatred that surfaces within the blonde. It's exasperated by the kyuubi's own boiling loathing and it starts a beautiful fire that isn't easily extinguished.

Naruto is told he can't leave the village and it grows.

He's not allowed to advance past the genin rank, not when there's such suspicious activity from an unknown organization outside the village.

He is denied certain things from the civilian population in the village and it infuriates him enough that he never notices that the shinobi are much more friendly and open to him.

The first time Naruto reaches for the kyuubi's chakra out of anger, Sasuke knows that it's time.

Convincing Naruto that he's being mistreated is easy, mostly because it's true. Convincing Naruto to let some of his anger out on the civilians is a little bit harder, but the blonde has been stewing for years by this point and he eventually listen to Sasuke.

The next time someone is rude to Naruto, the blonde breaks and is down right cruel back. He reaches for the volatile chakra of the demon that scares so many and he isn't ready for it. The hatred within him overwhelms the teen, and soon enough, there is a beast with _one-two-five-seven_ tails running amok in the village.

The chaos is beautiful and Sasuke feels laughter bubbling up from his gut, a feeling he's never been blessed with before.

When Naruto reaches eight tails, Sasuke stands in front of him and smiles at him, not intimidated by the monstrous roar he lets out at Sasuke's challenge. With a spark of amusement, Sasuke activates his Mangekyou Sharingan, gained in secret years before, and he ensnares the beast before him right as his ninth tail forms and Naruto is no longer the one in charge.

Sasuke has the kyuubi no kitsune held within his grasp and he turns back to the village, proud.

"Come," Sasuke tells the demon, amused at the gurgling growl the monstrous fox lets out. "We have a show to put on."

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**a sasuke with no emotional attachment to his clan that is trained by danzo is a terrifying idea. i have who his father is in my mind, but it isnt important to the story. he gets his more detached morals from his father tho if you were wondering. things change because of this little detail lol**

**title taken from It's OK, I Wouldn't Remember Me Either by Crywank**


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